Body image bootcamp

“Bodies be bodies…”

…As the incomparable Teri Hofford would say. Teri’s Body Image Bootcamp was a gift I didn’t know I needed. She originally began hosting the Body Image Bootcamp (BIBC) in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico in 2018 and I’ve been wanting to go for years, but always had an excuse to put it off. I finally got my shit together this year, and was particularly excited to learn how to facilitate a BIBC here in Wisconsin, but if I thought I wouldn’t learn (and feel!) new things about body image because I’ve been on this journey for a while, boy howdy was I wrong. Like very wrong.

I have a tendency to remove the emotion from my memories and feelings. Just ask any therapist I’ve ever been to. I can recount some pretty horrific stuff like I’m ready a grocery list, ten steps removed from it. This is obviously a coping mechanism, and my brain’s way of protecting me, but it can sometimes be a barrier to breakthroughs and knowing this about myself, I was a little worried I wouldn’t connect, not only with other BIBC attendees, but also with myself. I also had all the normal (normal???) worries about not fitting in, being the odd woman out, not making friends, and not belonging that I tend to have going into every social situation, and add to that my concerns about being in a country where I don’t speak the language. All these thoughts had me pretty nervous about what to expect and what the experience would be like for me.

Turns out, I was worried for nothing. I arrived a day early and stayed at Hacienda Buenaventura and immediately was able to connect with one of my fellow BIBC attendees, a French Canadian woman who was staying at the same hotel pre-bootcamp. We had such a lovely dinner getting to know each other that it immediately put my mind at ease about the workshop, and eased my fears around not fitting in. We took an Uber together to the BIBC villa, then rode the sky bucket (what we lovingly call the outdoor funicular elevator thingy that ferried us up and down the steepest part of the hill and hauled us right to the BIBC doorstep). We were greeted with hugs and limeade (two of my favorites things) and my new companion and I were the first to arrive and the first to choose our rooms! Day one was largely settling in, greeting new arrivals (more hugs, more limeade) and swimming naked in the infinity pool with an AMAZING view of Puerto Vallarta and the ocean (I never want to swim with a bathing suit on again). That first evening, we were served a delicious meal, then headed to the rooftop fire pit area to talk through Clifton Strengths (which if you haven’t heard of it, I highly recommend checking it out here!) We laughed and chatted and got to know one another a bit, then all headed off to bed (avoiding stepping on any of the many gecko friends all over the open-air parts of the villa at night).

The next morning was the official “Day 1” of the bootcamp, and that’s when I knew this wasn’t going to be just surface level stuff. While I won’t recount everything we learned or did, one of the most powerful moments for me happened on Day 1, when we were asked to take 10 minutes and write down a list of every mean or negative thing we say to ourselves (or have said to ourselves). I was super honest with this exercise, and didn’t realize that part 2 was to hand our list over to a partner. The person we were paired up with then read our list out loud, as though they were saying these things to themselves. I would never, never say things as mean as what I’ve said to myself to another creature, and just hearing those words come out of someone else’s mouth made me weep. I was crying like a baby before we were even halfway through the list. This one small moment was so monumentally eye-opening, and says so much about how we’re willing to treat ourselves, versus how we treat others.

Days 2 and 3 were a happy blur of meaningful discussions, tears, hugs, good food, and photos. At the end of Day 3, the last day of the bootcamp, we discussed ways to continue body image work as we head back into the world, and had a glitter graduation ceremony where we helped each of our fellow attendees heal parts of themselves where they struggle with body image most, and thanked each other for witnessing us, and basked in the gentle healing that comes along with being truly seen. And bonus, I got cute cat stickers on my bum!

The day after our glitter graduation ceremony was a free day of sorts, where we had massages, bummed around Puerto Vallarta in small groups, and got matching tattoos! I know that sounds crazy (which is how I prefaced my text to my husband about it lol), but the discussion came up about matching tattoos, and my wonderful roommate Nathou, whose native language is French, said the phrase “je t’adore”, which means “I love you” and as we reflected over learning to love ourselves and our bodies, it just felt right as a matching tattoo idea, and so that was what we decided on! This means we also all have a little piece of Nathou (both the phrase, and for some of us, even her handwriting) with us as we go back into our lives, and a meaningful reminder to treat ourselves with love and kindness. There’s a pic below of this beautiful tattoo, which means so much to me I can’t even put it into words!

Some of my biggest takeaways from this workshop were:

  1. You probably have more work to do on your body image than you think, even if you’ve been working on it for years

  2. You can’t love your body if you don’t love who you are, so it’s not just about your body image, but also your self-image

  3. The vast majority of us are searching for a sense of belonging and comparison, self-doubt, and fear robs us of the chance to make meaningful connections and impactful relationships in our lives if we let it

  4. Being naked is a fucking gift - it’s so much easier to attain body neutrality when you acclimate yourself to your naked body, just doing its body thing

  5. This one is aimed at moms, non-binary parents, and caretakers in particular - if it is accessible for you, try to take a solo trip just for you every now and again so you can experience being able to prioritize only yourself, even if it’s just for a day or two at a time

  6. The world needs your softness and your vulnerability

I am so grateful to Teri for creating this experience (and to Beth, the coordination guru with whom I share a love of spreadsheets)! I know folks are going to really benefit from doing this work, and I can’t wait to bring my own spin on this bootcamp to Wisconsin! Leave a comment or shoot me an email if you have any questions! I could talk about body image, and also this bootcamp, literally all day long!

—Sam

p.s. Special thanks to Cat of Alter Ego Boudoir for taking the dress photos of me on my camera so I could edit them! You’re a doll!

 
 

Four reasons not to book a session

Yes, you read that right!

Just like knowing when the right time is to book a session, it’s also important to know when maybe it’s not the right time, so below are some important reasons not to book a boudoir + empowerment session with me.

Reason 1:

You still think that your body image will improve if you could only change X about your body (X being your body’s shape or size, your cellulite, your “too big” or “too small” boobs, your wrinkles, moles, or scars, etc.). If you’re still in a place where you believe that changing your body is the key to a better body image, you may not be in a place where you’ll get the most benefit out of a boudoir + empowerment session.

Reason 2:

You feel like the biggest reason to do a session is as a gift to your partner. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that any partners my clients have may reap the benefits of a session (amazing pics), but if your biggest reason for doing a session is as a gift to your partner(s), you may be missing out on some of the best benefits a boudoir + empowerment session can offer, which is as a gift to yourself. Quick note that I’m not talking about gifting your partner a couple’s session, I’m specifically talking about your own solo sessions.

Reason 3:

You want to do a session, but you’d like a lot of retouching done to your photos, including skin smoothing, getting rid of lines/wrinkles, and “making you smaller”. There are lots of talented boudoir photographers out there who will do this kind of retouching, but at Reverence Intimate Portraits, we’re all about celebrating the real you, and so I don’t do any kind of editing that will change your shape/size or remove normal human phenomenon like wrinkles, cellulite, moles, or scars. I’d be glad to refer you to a photographer who does that kind of retouching, and would love to see you when you’re in a place of acceptance (or working towards that place, I know it’s not a linear path) of your real life body, exactly as it is right now.

Reason 4:

You’re not in a place where you are willing to make an investment in yourself. There is no judgment here. This kind of photography experience is expensive, and for good reason, but not everyone feels comfortable making that kind of investment in themselves and their body image journey. We’re taught “not to be selfish” (especially if we were assigned female at birth) and that putting yourself first is a bad thing, so making an investment in yourself can feel pretty squidgy or downright terrifying. I can empathize! I book my own boudoir + empowerment sessions annually with trusted photographers who have the same philosophies I do and even though I do this for a living I still struggle a little bit making an investment. This is where pre-payment plans can really make a big difference. They allow you to prioritize yourself on a schedule that works for you, and can make investing in yourself feel a little less scary. If you’re not in a place where you think you’re worth prioritizing though, I’d encourage you to work on your body image and self-image in the myriad of other ways that are available until your mindset starts to shift and you begin to see yourself as worthy of investing in, because you are!

If you have any questions about the boudoir + empowerment process, or figuring out if this experience is right for you, hit me up!

—Sam

Emily's Tom of Finland inspired boudoir + empowerment session

Emily told me that they’d been wanting to do a session for a long time that captured their more masc of center side

And I was so thrilled to be able to work with her! They are an amazing human that I’ve known for years, and I credit them with connecting me with Our Lives magazine, who I’ve now been shooting images for for quite a number of years. I love Emily’s look, and am in love with the photos we were able to capture!

—Sam

 
 

What to expect from your session start to finish

I got you covered (or uncovered)!

First, if you’re like me, you want to know exactly what to expect from pretty much any new experience. And if that’s the case, then this post is for you! Here are all the details of what to expect from start to finish!

Before you book your session:

  1. Pick your session! There are 3 session options, ranging from 1 hour to 2 hours of photo time

    • The Selkie

      • Includes a 1 hour session

      • Includes 10 high resolution digital images

    • The Unicorn

      • Includes a 1.5 hour session

      • Includes 20 high resolution digital images

    • The Sphinx

      • Includes a 2 hour session

      • Includes 30 high resolution digital images

  2. Pick any add-ons that you’d like, such as a luxury album, beautiful print display boxes, or an add-on that allows you to download all digital images from your session

    • You can also choose add-ons after your session as well

Booking your session:

  1. Once you decide which session and add-on options you’d like, you can complete the boudoir session agreement online

  2. A 50% deposit is due at the time of signing the boudoir session agreement and the remainder is due 2 weeks before your session date

  3. One you’ve signed the boudoir session agreement and paid the deposit, you can schedule your session!

Preparing for your session:

  1. Once you’ve booked your session, I’ll send you a client prep guide to help you feel prepared and excited for your session!

  2. I’ll also send you a questionnaire to help me better understand what you’re looking for from your session, any physical limitations I should be aware of, and where you are at on your body image journey, so that I can best support you before, during, and after your session

  3. Once you’ve completed your questionnaire, we’ll schedule a phone call to discuss your questionnaire and to collaborate on ideas for your session so it feels uniquely you

Your session:

  1. Before your session begins, we’ll look at any outfits you brought with you, and decide which ones to use

  2. Then we’ll put on some kickass tunes and have a blast!

  3. Your comfort and sense of safety is my number one priority

    • I will always ask permission before touching you to adjust clothing, hair, etc. or direct you on adjusting those things without my help

    • If there are any poses that don’t work well for you, let me know and we’ll try something else

    • My studio is accessible and wheelchair-friendly

The image reveal:

  1. The images from your session will be edited within approximately 2 weeks

  2. Once your images are ready, I’ll contact you to schedule a virtual image reveal session to view your images together

    • The reason I schedule an image reveal is so that if you have an emotional reaction to seeing yourself in photos, you have a safe space to discuss any feelings that may come up

  3. After your virtual image reveal session, I’ll send you the following via email:

    • A link to your online gallery of images

    • A code that will allow you to download the number of high resolution images included in the session you chose (additional high resolution images are available for purchase by item, or you can choose to purchase all digital images from your session if you love them all!)

    • An image release agreement for you to choose which of the following image release options work best for you:

      • A full release of images

      • An anonymous release of images

      • A partial release of only specific images

      • No release of images

After the image reveal:

  1. After your image reveal, you’ll have 4 weeks to review your gallery to decide which images you’d like to download, or if you’d like to purchase prints or wall art

    • Your gallery will expire after 4 weeks, so you’ll want to make sure to download any high-resolution digital images and order any prints, wall art, luxury albums, or print display boxes before the gallery expires

Hopefully this helps give you an idea of what to expect before, during, and after your session, and check out our FAQs here for more helpful info!

—Sam

Seven ways to improve your body image

Improving your body image takes a lot of work

But don’t let that deter you, because it is absolutely worth it! The work is important and doable! Here are some tips, in no particular order, on ways you can work towards improving your body image, in addition to the reflective inner work needed.

1. Curate your social media

Sure, it would probably be better for all of us if we were off social media entirely, but we live in a world where social media may be necessary for business or personal reasons. If you’ve got to be on social media, be sure to carefully curate what’s on your feed. Unfollow individuals, companies, or influencers who are heavily entrenched in diet or “wellness” culture and start following fabulous fat folks and people who are anti-diet or Health At Every Size (HAES) practitioners. This is also a great opportunity to follow a more diverse set of people all around, so that you’re more often exposed to the voices of disabled folks, queer folks, Black folks, and folks in other marginalized communities. So much of our feelings about our bodies and our worth come from what we see in the media, but we’re adults now, and we get to decide the media we expose ourselves to.

2. Take more pictures of yourself and ditch the filters

When we’re uncomfortable with how we look, especially if we’re comparing ourselves to others or a past version of ourself (perhaps pre-kids), it can be easy to shy away from photos, whether that’s having our photos taken or taking pictures of ourselves, but one of the best ways to normalize our bodies to our own brains is to see more of our bodies! So take more pictures of yourself. Resist the urge to apply those snapchat filters! Resist the urge to only take pictures of yourself from the neck up. Get your whole dang torso in there. Have other folks take photos of you (like me for instance)! Give yourself permission to be in the photo, and then get on in there! You are worthy of being documented exactly as you are right now.

3. Explore body neutrality

If body love and body acceptance seem a little out of reach from where you’re starting, why not explore body neutrality? Body neutrality is the concept of simply accepting that your body exists, that it’s worth of respect and care right now, whether or not you love it in this very moment. Body neutrality can be a very freeing practice, but it’s a critical step in the journey to improve your body image. You won’t love your body every minute of every day, and that’s okay. What you can do, is accept that your body exists, and treat it with respect and kindness in each moment, and allow your body to simply be.

4. Get some tattoos

No seriously. Tattoos are an amazing way to adorn your body in a way that feels special and helps you have positive feelings towards specific parts of your body. I used to struggle to love my thighs, but an unexpected bonus of getting thigh tattoos was that the second my tattoos had healed up, I suddenly found a new appreciation for my own thighs as the works of art they are! Find a tattoo artist you love, save the money if you have to, and get yourself a sparkly new tattoo to help you love specific areas of your body that deserve your care.

5. Buy clothes that fit you

This one sounds so simple, but because of our size obsessed culture, it can actually be pretty traumatic to admit that your clothing sizes have changed, so we stuff ourselves into clothes that are uncomfortable and are literally hurting us so that we don’t have to change clothing sizes. Were we “just more comfortable” when we weighed less, or were we physically more comfortable then because our clothes fit better? We often think loving our body comes first, and then we will treat our body with care and respect, but actually, treating our body with the care and respect it deserves helps us learn to love our bodies. So one of the first things you can do to have a better relationship with your body is to make sure you’re not hurting it by stuffing it into clothing that is too small. Let that tum be free and stop holding onto clothing that no longer serves you.

6. Get rid of your scale

Yeah… I know how hard this one is. If you’re anything like me, you spent way too much time congratulating yourself anytime the scale went down and berating yourself anytime the scale went up. But your worth isn’t defined by a number on the scale, and you don’t have decide whether you’re having a good or bad day based on such an arbitrary measurement. Unless there is a medical reason (a real one, not just being in a larger body) for you to know what you weigh on a regular basis, get rid of your scale completely, and just adjust clothing sizes based on fit as needed. Free yourself from the scale’s tyranny and start living your life without worrying about what the scale has to say about it!

7. Institute a zero tolerance policy about negative self talk

Whether that’s from yourself, your spouse, or your friends and family. When you catch yourself speaking negatively about your own body, try to replace negative self talk with neutral phrases about your body. When others around you are speaking negatively about their bodies (since this is apparently how some of us bond), don’t engage, change the subject, or set a boundary that you’d prefer not to hear negative self talk or diet talk from your friends and family when you’re together. Sometimes folks may have a difficult time with these boundaries, so be prepared to be kind but firm. This is one of the hardest habits to break, and one of the hardest boundaries to set with body image, because of how pervasive complaining about our bodies is, but with practice, it does get easier and becomes more of a reflex, which supports an overall better body image.

I hope these tips help you, and if you have any others you’d like to share, leave them in the comments below!

—Sam

Nine pre-session self-love affirmations

Need a little self-love pick me up pre-session (or anytime)?

Try these nine self-love affirmations!

For when chronic illness makes it hard to love your body…

  1. My body is still worthy of respect and care even on days when my chronic illness of disability causes me pain

  2. I love and accept my body just the way it is today

  3. On days when I struggle to love my body, I can practice body neutrality and self-care

For when you need a self-love boost…

  1. I am a fucking legend who is worthy of love, respect, and kindness, especially from myself

  2. My body does not need to change in order to be worthy of love and affection

  3. I embrace my body as it changes over time - I am grateful to be able to see my body’s journey

For when emotions are negatively impacting your body image…

  1. I deserve the same patience and grace that I extend to others to be extended to me also

  2. My body is a source of strength, not insecurity or shame

  3. I am allowed to take up space physically and emotionally in my relationships and in the world at large

I know affirmations can feel silly (like I really get it), but they are powerful! Try saying these (yes, out loud) to yourself in the mirror, and/or try writing them down and reading them aloud or using the written affirmations as a part of a little self-love ritual to root yourself in your intentions. The most important thing is giving yourself grace, and treating yourself, and your body, with love, respect, and kindness.

—Sam

Whryne's fabulous dress-up themed boudoir + empowerment session

Whryne brought all the good vibes with their clothing choices!

Their style, flare, and absolutely brilliant smile are all unparalleled. They were such a gem about rescheduling following a surprise gallbladder removal surgery, but the wait was worth it! I’m so glad I got to photograph them finally! Enjoy these fun photos from their session. Whryne’s outfits are a great example of things you can wear to a boudoir + empowerment session that aren’t lingerie or that don’t involve being nude, if that’s not your thing!

—Sam

 
 

Things you can wear to an empowerment shoot that aren't lingerie

Nakedness doesn’t feel empowering for everyone

For some people, boudoir + empowerment sessions actually aren’t about “sexiness” at all. They’re about feeling powerful, and that can look a lot of different ways for a lot of different people, and doesn’t always have to include getting naked or wearing lingerie!

Below are some inspiration pics of non-lingerie clothing options you can consider for your boudoir + empowerment session!

—Sam

 
 

Sara's golden hour governor's island boudoir + empowerment session

Golden hour outdoor boudoir session? Yes please!

Sara really wanted to do an outdoor shoot, and I was thrilled when we decided on Governor’s Island on Madison’s Northeast side! Governor’s Island is freaking beautiful (all year round, but in the fall particularly) and we had a blast walking around getting photos and laughing out butts off. It was chilly, but worth it!

—Sam