Tips

Four reasons not to book a session

Yes, you read that right!

Just like knowing when the right time is to book a session, it’s also important to know when maybe it’s not the right time, so below are some important reasons not to book a boudoir + empowerment session with me.

Reason 1:

You still think that your body image will improve if you could only change X about your body (X being your body’s shape or size, your cellulite, your “too big” or “too small” boobs, your wrinkles, moles, or scars, etc.). If you’re still in a place where you believe that changing your body is the key to a better body image, you may not be in a place where you’ll get the most benefit out of a boudoir + empowerment session.

Reason 2:

You feel like the biggest reason to do a session is as a gift to your partner. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that any partners my clients have may reap the benefits of a session (amazing pics), but if your biggest reason for doing a session is as a gift to your partner(s), you may be missing out on some of the best benefits a boudoir + empowerment session can offer, which is as a gift to yourself. Quick note that I’m not talking about gifting your partner a couple’s session, I’m specifically talking about your own solo sessions.

Reason 3:

You want to do a session, but you’d like a lot of retouching done to your photos, including skin smoothing, getting rid of lines/wrinkles, and “making you smaller”. There are lots of talented boudoir photographers out there who will do this kind of retouching, but at Reverence Intimate Portraits, we’re all about celebrating the real you, and so I don’t do any kind of editing that will change your shape/size or remove normal human phenomenon like wrinkles, cellulite, moles, or scars. I’d be glad to refer you to a photographer who does that kind of retouching, and would love to see you when you’re in a place of acceptance (or working towards that place, I know it’s not a linear path) of your real life body, exactly as it is right now.

Reason 4:

You’re not in a place where you are willing to make an investment in yourself. There is no judgment here. This kind of photography experience is expensive, and for good reason, but not everyone feels comfortable making that kind of investment in themselves and their body image journey. We’re taught “not to be selfish” (especially if we were assigned female at birth) and that putting yourself first is a bad thing, so making an investment in yourself can feel pretty squidgy or downright terrifying. I can empathize! I book my own boudoir + empowerment sessions annually with trusted photographers who have the same philosophies I do and even though I do this for a living I still struggle a little bit making an investment. This is where pre-payment plans can really make a big difference. They allow you to prioritize yourself on a schedule that works for you, and can make investing in yourself feel a little less scary. If you’re not in a place where you think you’re worth prioritizing though, I’d encourage you to work on your body image and self-image in the myriad of other ways that are available until your mindset starts to shift and you begin to see yourself as worthy of investing in, because you are!

If you have any questions about the boudoir + empowerment process, or figuring out if this experience is right for you, hit me up!

—Sam

What to expect from your session start to finish

I got you covered (or uncovered)!

First, if you’re like me, you want to know exactly what to expect from pretty much any new experience. And if that’s the case, then this post is for you! Here are all the details of what to expect from start to finish!

Before you book your session:

  1. Pick your session! There are 3 session options, ranging from 1 hour to 2 hours of photo time

    • The Selkie

      • Includes a 1 hour session

      • Includes 10 high resolution digital images

    • The Unicorn

      • Includes a 1.5 hour session

      • Includes 20 high resolution digital images

    • The Sphinx

      • Includes a 2 hour session

      • Includes 30 high resolution digital images

  2. Pick any add-ons that you’d like, such as a luxury album, beautiful print display boxes, or an add-on that allows you to download all digital images from your session

    • You can also choose add-ons after your session as well

Booking your session:

  1. Once you decide which session and add-on options you’d like, you can complete the boudoir session agreement online

  2. A 50% deposit is due at the time of signing the boudoir session agreement and the remainder is due 2 weeks before your session date

  3. One you’ve signed the boudoir session agreement and paid the deposit, you can schedule your session!

Preparing for your session:

  1. Once you’ve booked your session, I’ll send you a client prep guide to help you feel prepared and excited for your session!

  2. I’ll also send you a questionnaire to help me better understand what you’re looking for from your session, any physical limitations I should be aware of, and where you are at on your body image journey, so that I can best support you before, during, and after your session

  3. Once you’ve completed your questionnaire, we’ll schedule a phone call to discuss your questionnaire and to collaborate on ideas for your session so it feels uniquely you

Your session:

  1. Before your session begins, we’ll look at any outfits you brought with you, and decide which ones to use

  2. Then we’ll put on some kickass tunes and have a blast!

  3. Your comfort and sense of safety is my number one priority

    • I will always ask permission before touching you to adjust clothing, hair, etc. or direct you on adjusting those things without my help

    • If there are any poses that don’t work well for you, let me know and we’ll try something else

    • My studio is accessible and wheelchair-friendly

The image reveal:

  1. The images from your session will be edited within approximately 2 weeks

  2. Once your images are ready, I’ll contact you to schedule a virtual image reveal session to view your images together

    • The reason I schedule an image reveal is so that if you have an emotional reaction to seeing yourself in photos, you have a safe space to discuss any feelings that may come up

  3. After your virtual image reveal session, I’ll send you the following via email:

    • A link to your online gallery of images

    • A code that will allow you to download the number of high resolution images included in the session you chose (additional high resolution images are available for purchase by item, or you can choose to purchase all digital images from your session if you love them all!)

    • An image release agreement for you to choose which of the following image release options work best for you:

      • A full release of images

      • An anonymous release of images

      • A partial release of only specific images

      • No release of images

After the image reveal:

  1. After your image reveal, you’ll have 4 weeks to review your gallery to decide which images you’d like to download, or if you’d like to purchase prints or wall art

    • Your gallery will expire after 4 weeks, so you’ll want to make sure to download any high-resolution digital images and order any prints, wall art, luxury albums, or print display boxes before the gallery expires

Hopefully this helps give you an idea of what to expect before, during, and after your session, and check out our FAQs here for more helpful info!

—Sam

Seven ways to improve your body image

Improving your body image takes a lot of work

But don’t let that deter you, because it is absolutely worth it! The work is important and doable! Here are some tips, in no particular order, on ways you can work towards improving your body image, in addition to the reflective inner work needed.

1. Curate your social media

Sure, it would probably be better for all of us if we were off social media entirely, but we live in a world where social media may be necessary for business or personal reasons. If you’ve got to be on social media, be sure to carefully curate what’s on your feed. Unfollow individuals, companies, or influencers who are heavily entrenched in diet or “wellness” culture and start following fabulous fat folks and people who are anti-diet or Health At Every Size (HAES) practitioners. This is also a great opportunity to follow a more diverse set of people all around, so that you’re more often exposed to the voices of disabled folks, queer folks, Black folks, and folks in other marginalized communities. So much of our feelings about our bodies and our worth come from what we see in the media, but we’re adults now, and we get to decide the media we expose ourselves to.

2. Take more pictures of yourself and ditch the filters

When we’re uncomfortable with how we look, especially if we’re comparing ourselves to others or a past version of ourself (perhaps pre-kids), it can be easy to shy away from photos, whether that’s having our photos taken or taking pictures of ourselves, but one of the best ways to normalize our bodies to our own brains is to see more of our bodies! So take more pictures of yourself. Resist the urge to apply those snapchat filters! Resist the urge to only take pictures of yourself from the neck up. Get your whole dang torso in there. Have other folks take photos of you (like me for instance)! Give yourself permission to be in the photo, and then get on in there! You are worthy of being documented exactly as you are right now.

3. Explore body neutrality

If body love and body acceptance seem a little out of reach from where you’re starting, why not explore body neutrality? Body neutrality is the concept of simply accepting that your body exists, that it’s worth of respect and care right now, whether or not you love it in this very moment. Body neutrality can be a very freeing practice, but it’s a critical step in the journey to improve your body image. You won’t love your body every minute of every day, and that’s okay. What you can do, is accept that your body exists, and treat it with respect and kindness in each moment, and allow your body to simply be.

4. Get some tattoos

No seriously. Tattoos are an amazing way to adorn your body in a way that feels special and helps you have positive feelings towards specific parts of your body. I used to struggle to love my thighs, but an unexpected bonus of getting thigh tattoos was that the second my tattoos had healed up, I suddenly found a new appreciation for my own thighs as the works of art they are! Find a tattoo artist you love, save the money if you have to, and get yourself a sparkly new tattoo to help you love specific areas of your body that deserve your care.

5. Buy clothes that fit you

This one sounds so simple, but because of our size obsessed culture, it can actually be pretty traumatic to admit that your clothing sizes have changed, so we stuff ourselves into clothes that are uncomfortable and are literally hurting us so that we don’t have to change clothing sizes. Were we “just more comfortable” when we weighed less, or were we physically more comfortable then because our clothes fit better? We often think loving our body comes first, and then we will treat our body with care and respect, but actually, treating our body with the care and respect it deserves helps us learn to love our bodies. So one of the first things you can do to have a better relationship with your body is to make sure you’re not hurting it by stuffing it into clothing that is too small. Let that tum be free and stop holding onto clothing that no longer serves you.

6. Get rid of your scale

Yeah… I know how hard this one is. If you’re anything like me, you spent way too much time congratulating yourself anytime the scale went down and berating yourself anytime the scale went up. But your worth isn’t defined by a number on the scale, and you don’t have decide whether you’re having a good or bad day based on such an arbitrary measurement. Unless there is a medical reason (a real one, not just being in a larger body) for you to know what you weigh on a regular basis, get rid of your scale completely, and just adjust clothing sizes based on fit as needed. Free yourself from the scale’s tyranny and start living your life without worrying about what the scale has to say about it!

7. Institute a zero tolerance policy about negative self talk

Whether that’s from yourself, your spouse, or your friends and family. When you catch yourself speaking negatively about your own body, try to replace negative self talk with neutral phrases about your body. When others around you are speaking negatively about their bodies (since this is apparently how some of us bond), don’t engage, change the subject, or set a boundary that you’d prefer not to hear negative self talk or diet talk from your friends and family when you’re together. Sometimes folks may have a difficult time with these boundaries, so be prepared to be kind but firm. This is one of the hardest habits to break, and one of the hardest boundaries to set with body image, because of how pervasive complaining about our bodies is, but with practice, it does get easier and becomes more of a reflex, which supports an overall better body image.

I hope these tips help you, and if you have any others you’d like to share, leave them in the comments below!

—Sam

Nine pre-session self-love affirmations

Need a little self-love pick me up pre-session (or anytime)?

Try these nine self-love affirmations!

For when chronic illness makes it hard to love your body…

  1. My body is still worthy of respect and care even on days when my chronic illness of disability causes me pain

  2. I love and accept my body just the way it is today

  3. On days when I struggle to love my body, I can practice body neutrality and self-care

For when you need a self-love boost…

  1. I am a fucking legend who is worthy of love, respect, and kindness, especially from myself

  2. My body does not need to change in order to be worthy of love and affection

  3. I embrace my body as it changes over time - I am grateful to be able to see my body’s journey

For when emotions are negatively impacting your body image…

  1. I deserve the same patience and grace that I extend to others to be extended to me also

  2. My body is a source of strength, not insecurity or shame

  3. I am allowed to take up space physically and emotionally in my relationships and in the world at large

I know affirmations can feel silly (like I really get it), but they are powerful! Try saying these (yes, out loud) to yourself in the mirror, and/or try writing them down and reading them aloud or using the written affirmations as a part of a little self-love ritual to root yourself in your intentions. The most important thing is giving yourself grace, and treating yourself, and your body, with love, respect, and kindness.

—Sam

Things you can wear to an empowerment shoot that aren't lingerie

Nakedness doesn’t feel empowering for everyone

For some people, boudoir + empowerment sessions actually aren’t about “sexiness” at all. They’re about feeling powerful, and that can look a lot of different ways for a lot of different people, and doesn’t always have to include getting naked or wearing lingerie!

Below are some inspiration pics of non-lingerie clothing options you can consider for your boudoir + empowerment session!

—Sam

 
 

How to know if you're ready to book a session

When you know, you know, but what if you don’t?

For some folks, booking their first boudoir + empowerment session feels like a full-body “fuck yes!”, and that is truly awesome, but this blog post isn’t for those folks. This blog post is for the folks who are on the fence. Who want to book but aren’t sure if they should spend the money on themselves or if they’ll even like the photos because the photos are of them. That is who this blog post is for. So, how do you know if booking a session with me is right for you?

If you’ve already been working on your body image

Boudoir + empowerment photos can be a powerful tool on your body image journey, and for some folks, a session like this can be the catalyst to having a better body image and kinder thoughts about their body. Other folks may need to get to body neutrality before they’re ready to view themselves as worthy of being documented. I can show you how beautiful and worthy you are, but I can’t make you believe it if you’re not ready. If you’re truly not sure where you fall on this spectrum, let’s chat!

If you’re ready to do this for yourself, not solely for a partner’s benefit

Do we all love when our partners think we’re hot? I think most of us do. BUT, these photos and this experience aren’t about your partner (unless you’re doing a partner session of course), they’re about you. YOU are worthy of being photographed even if your partner never sees these photos, or even if you’re single. You deserve to do a thing that is solely for you and no one else. If other people benefit? Awesome, but they’re not the main focus here. If you’re not in a place where you can do something solely for yourself whether or not it directly benefits someone else, you may need to work up to a session, and that’s okay.

If you’re ready to believe that you are worthy of love and respect (from yourself)

You don’t have to already have achieved perfect self-love (does that exist?) to book a session, but you do have to be ready to take the next step in your self-love journey. You do have to be ready to see yourself as worthy of love and respect and being documented, even if you don’t quite feel that way yet. You have to want to see yourself that way while understanding that seeing yourself that way isn’t contingent upon changing your body first. It’s okay if you’re not there yet, you just have to be ready to have the conversation with yourself.

If you’re still on the fence about whether a boudoir + empowerment session is right for you, let’s talk! I promise my goal isn’t to talk you into a session if you’re not ready. My goal is to answer any questions you have about what to expect, and to help provide you with some food for thought on what a session can provide you, and then you decide when the right time is for you. :)

—Sam

Why is Boudoir Photography so Expensive?

When you first look into getting boudoir photos, you may experience sticker shock

On average, boudoir clients can expect to spend somewhere between $3000 - $7000, depending heavily on the experience of the photographer, the area of the country where the photographer is based, and the packages each photographer offers.

Why so expensive? It’s a very reasonable question, and I’d like to help break it down for you.

First, and most importantly, I’d like to say that only you can decide if boudoir photos are worth the cost for you specifically. No one can make that determination for you. But you deserve to invest in yourself and your body image journey. And you deserve to work with a professional who makes you feel comfortable and seen, produces work that showcases your glorious, badass self, and who knows what they’re doing.

Not your average portrait session

Many folks wonder why boudoir photography is so much more expensive than a regular portrait session, but boudoir + empowerment photos aren’t like a traditional portrait session, and they are considerably more time intensive for the photographer than say a family portrait session. I’ll show the difference below:

What goes into a boudoir session:

  • Pre-session phone consultation (30 min)

  • Emails/messaging back & forth prior to session (3-5 hours)

  • Shoot setup and prep time (1 hour)

  • Shoot tear down and clean up time (1 hour)

  • Shooting the session itself (1-2 hours)

  • Post-processing/editing and retouching (10-15 hours)

  • Album and prints - design, ordering, quality control, etc. (3-7 hours)

  • Client education, prep guide, etc. (30 minutes to 1 hour)

  • Image reveal session (1 hour)

  • Business management including social media, blog, contracting, etc., per session (1-2 hours)

That’s 22 to 35 hours per session!

What goes into a family portrait session:

  • Emails/messaging back & forth prior to session (1-2 hours)

  • Shooting the session itself (1-2 hours)

  • Post-processing/editing and retouching (3-6 hours)

  • Business management including social media, blog, contracting, etc., per session (1 hour)

That’s 6-11 hours per session. See the difference?

Now let’s look the hard costs associated with boudoir sessions that aren’t applicable for family sessions:

  • Studio rental ($100 per session)

  • Props ($100 per session)

What the numbers above don’t include are the hundreds of hours (and thousands of dollars) spent on boudoir-specific education and formal training, the thousands spent per year on software, websites, business licensing and insurance, the hard costs on ordering albums and prints, the expensive equipment, the credit card processing fees, and then the big kicker; the 30-35% taken off the top in taxes.

Because of the time-intensive nature of boudoir photography, I also can’t take on as many clients as I could if I were only doing family portraits, so there is a pretty hard limit to the number of sessions I can do in a week, month, or year.

Can you find boudoir photographers who charge less?

Absolutely. You can always find boudoir photographers who charge less, but it is often because they are either much newer, without the experience and education to provide excellent service and an amazing end result, or because they’re offering a very stripped down (no pun intended) version of the service where not as much time is spent on education, prep, body image, etc. While the phrase “You get what you pay for” is not always true, it is often true when it comes to photography in any genre. As a wise person once said, if you want fast food prices, you’re going to get fast food quality.

So what does that mean for you?

Maybe after reading this, you have a better understanding of why boudoir photography is more expensive than other kinds of portraiture. And maybe you feel like “Yes this is great, and I want to try it, but this is still out of my budget!” and that is totally reasonable. I’m a big believer in the importance of sticking to a budget! Most boudoir photographers (myself included!) offer flexible payment plans for up to a year prior to your session. If this is an experience you think would be helpful for you (and it’s definitely one you deserve to have), consider saving up for the session you want with the photographer you want, and if that’s me (yay!), just know that I offer super flexible pre-payment plans to help you plan for the session you want to have! Hit me up with any questions, or visit my FAQ page here for more info!

—Sam

Seven outfit ideas for your boudoir or empowerment session

Thinking about having a boudoir session but have no idea what to wear? We got you covered (or uncovered)!

Much like the age old question of “What the heck do I do with my hands?”, the question of “What should I wear?” has been plaguing people contemplating boudoir sessions for forever.

Here are 7 outfit ideas that work perfectly for boudoir!


Bodysuits

A good bodysuit comes in a variety of styles, can cover up NSFW bits (or not), and you can spend a ton of money on them or very little, depending on your budget! Bodysuits are also nice because they cover the same areas as a bathing suit, so if you’re not used to being unclothed in front of other humans, or are feeling more shy at the beginning of your session, these are a great way to ease into the session with comfort!

 
 

Bra + Panty Sets

Much like bodysuits, bra + panty sets (particularly in classic colors like black, blue, etc.) can be easily found, can be as comfy or elaborate as you want, and you can find them on a budget when needed! I’m particularly fond of matching sets!

 
 

Robes

Robes can be paired with just about anything (or you can go bare underneath) and can be as modest or as sheer as you like. Also, robes are super fun to swish around and help with that “What the heck do I do with my hands?” question! Use it like a cape and feel like the badass superhero you are!

 
 

Street Clothes

Yep, there’s no reason you can’t wear street clothes! I’m talking sparkly tank tops, suit jackets, anything you want really. Boudoir + Empowerment sessions are about what make you feel empowered and like your most badass self. If that’s a suit, go for it!

 
 

Whips, Chains, and Rope; Oh My!

No for real though, if kink is your thing, why not incorporate it into your photos! Bust out that rope, or that leather, or bring a partner, and have fun!

 
 

Accessories!

Okay, so maybe this isn’t exactly outfit advice, but accessories can do the same thing for boudoir photos as they can for a night out - just jazz things up a little! Whether you want your accessories to tell a story (like disability themed items) or whether you just want to add some sparkle or pizazz, try adding a little something for your photos!

 
 

Birthday Suit

If you’re comfortable with it, going naked or near naked (maybe with a sheet or some such) is just about the easiest outfit you can go with! Nudes or implied nudity is a classic boudoir look, and particularly if you’re working on your body image, nude photos can be a powerful tool in learning to embrace your body exactly as it is right now.

 
 

Enjoy these great outfit ideas, or come up with some of your own!

—Sam

Camp Thunder Thighs

A fat-positive camp with a focus on healing our troubled relationships with our bodies

I never went to camp as a kid, not the overnight kind anyway, with bunks and s’mores and all that, and I’m newer to this whole body and fat acceptance movement, so I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect at Camp Thunder Thighs. The camp was hosted by Virgie Tovar, an author, activist and one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on weight-based discrimination and body image.

I headed to Sausalito, California with some trepidation. First of all, I was scared of not belonging. As a person who has had thin privilege (being ‘straight-sized’) until the last 5 years or so, I haven’t experienced a lot of the same size-based stigma that those who have been in larger bodies their whole lives have. I was worried that I would feel like an outsider even though I live in a larger body now. Along those same lines, I was worried about not connecting with people or that I wouldn’t be able to contribute to the conversations in a meaningful way. This is a fear I often have, and if I’m being real, isn’t necessarily specific to this event. Last, but not least of course, as a person with a chronic illness that causes me chronic joint pain and sometimes limits my mobility, I was concerned about how my body would feel during the weekend and if I would be in a significant amount of pain from travel, walking, etc.

I was super happy to be carpooling from the San Francisco airport with the awesome Teri of THP Studios, a body-acceptance educator and intimate lifestyle portrait photographer based in Winnipeg, Canada, and just that first interaction with a fellow camper was so nice it put my mind at ease a bit about the whole “What if no one likes me and I don’t make any friends?!” concern.

While camp was filled with learning sessions, laughs, s’mores, and campfire sing-a-longs, it was so much more. Some of the powerful messages that we discussed just blew my mind. They were transformative. Among them were the following:

  • That choosing yourself is a radical act of treason against patriarchal and fat-phobic systems of oppression

  • That fat-phobia isn’t about the weight, it’s about control and is intertwined with misogyny, racism, ableism, and colonialism/white supremacy

  • That fat isn’t synonymous with ugly (I have REALLY personally struggled with this one, not in how I view others, but in how I view myself, and it’s something I continue to work on and unpack)

  • That boundary setting is an act of respect towards the self and a declaration of worthiness

  • How normalizing all bodies is soooo important

  • That fat people (and people of color and queer people and women) are not individually responsible for their own mistreatment and abuse or for systemic mistreatment

  • How important it is to curate your social media and what is being put into your brain - positive representation of fat and disabled people is so key

  • That ‘flattering’ is what we call anything that makes us appear thinner

  • Most of what we consider “striving for happiness” is actually striving to obtain or maintain privilege

  • That the negative self-talk and self-shame and self-hate (particularly the weight-related kind) is like your native language, and it’s based on your experiences in your family of origin, and in society at large, but body acceptance is like a second language. It may take you years to become fluent, and when you’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, you might momentarily revert back to your native language, but you always have that second language available to you and you can choose to use it

  • That we are all precious as fuck, and need to remember that immutable fact

There were some difficult and uncomfortable moments too, and that’s to be expected with doing this kind of personal and community-based work in a society that de-values those in larger body sizes. There were difficult moments around the concept of grieving the thin ideal (if you’re working through your own journey around body acceptance, this is something that you’ll probably be familiar with, and it’s hard as fuck). On the other side of the coin, Virgie had the amazing idea of a Vulnerability Fashion Show, in which campers dressed up in an outfit they might struggle to wear in day to day life, or something they’ve been wanting to wear out and haven’t felt comfortable doing. While this was a strictly photo-free event, all I can say I’ve never experienced something as amazing and terrifying as strutting my stuff in a vulnerable outfit (which you can see in the photos below that were taken later at the beach), but then being cheered for so loudly and joyfully by 30 ladies and feeling so damn supported (not to mention like a rock star).

With the difficult moments were some moments so damn joyful it brought me to tears.

  • Seeing dolphins and seals on the first trip to the beach

  • The vulnerability fashion show (again, both terrifying and wonderful) - the amazing feelings surrounding cheering for and being cheered for by so many amazing women and the look of sheer joy, tenderness, vulnerability and pride on each woman’s face as she strutted down the aisle to whistles and cheers and more support than I’ve ever felt

  • The impromptu beach photo shoot (which you’ll see below!) - badass fat feminist babes in bikinis and crop tops rolling around on the beach being sexy and powerful and precious as fuck

  • Guided meditation focusing on the parts of ourselves that we struggle with and talking through that experience together

  • The campfire question & answer times and the unprompted childhood song singalong when we all sang songs from The Little Mermaid and ate fancy s’mores

I left camp a changed person in all the best ways. I made friends I hope to keep for a lifetime. And I learned things that will help me heal my relationship with my body, and view my body as the friend she has tried to be to me all along. I hope you read these words, and view these images of joyful, beautiful, fat babes living their best damn life and you see how possible that is for you too. #losehatenotweight

Fat Positive Resources

Podcasts

Blogs & Articles

Books (links in book title)

Communities (links in community title)

A Guide for Partners Concerned About Their Significant Other Giving Up on Diet Culture (link in title)

  • Resilient Fat Goddex (CW: Article discusses partner’s perceived difficulties with the fat positive movement and may be hard to read in more vulnerable moments, but is a great guide and resource list for partners who are concerned about their spouses and significant others giving up on dieting but who want to be supportive, etc.)